Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
