Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
