is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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