I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
