sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
