The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
