In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
