from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He has the fingertips of a God
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