her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jerry, you need to find god
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
