that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
