i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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