I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
