take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
