This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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