I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
