I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
