Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
