She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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