Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
