I'm eating all of the evidence.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
