you traded sex for a burrito?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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