so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to calm my uterus...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
