pop tarts are not kleenex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
