He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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