R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
