I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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