i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
