She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
