I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
