Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
