i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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