every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
