On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
