how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
