He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
