New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
