I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
