Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
