I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Enjoy the penises
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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