Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
