just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
