I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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