hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
