The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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