The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
