the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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