I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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