Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
