I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
