Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
