I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
