Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
